Healing the Parent
When dealing with a technology failure, the computer crashes, and things can come to a standstill. During these moments of oft frustration, it has been mentioned that it is not a computer issue but rather the humans that developed it.
Regardless of where blame can be placed, it is always important to look at ourself first. Too often we try and find blame in others so we don't have any responsibility with whatever the issue is in the moment. The issue with this, we set ourselves up for perpetuating the issue. The problem becomes a repeating one.
We as parents must always step back from an issue and examine our role in it. This 'child issue' likely has a past that we've been dealing with for some time. The primary caregivers of the child are the primary teachers of the child. Even in the moments when the parent doesn't feel like they are teaching their child anything, a child is always watching and feeling things out.
Our infant children are born with the instincts of Oneness. They have the characteristics of Oneness: unconditional love, innocence, trust, acceptance, etc. This can be easily observed when we find ourselves around an infant. Yes...they can get fussy and it seems like they are not very accepting. But their cries are a reminder to us absent minded adults that they need to be fed, tended to, loved, and comforted.
From the womb, these little ones are learning and experiencing the world around them. They feel what mom feels. A stressed out pregnant mom who goes through a natural disaster like Hurricane Katrina; this has developmental impacts on the fetus that can persist into adulthood.
Our children began learning from us in the womb. What are we teaching them? Are we taking responsibility for our part?
Many behavioral issues our children have were learned from their primary caregivers. If mom struggles with jealousy, she will not be able to teach her child how to deal with jealousy. If mom has behavioral issues around jealousy, the child assumes that this is how jealousy is handled.
Is our child talking mean to others? How do we as caregivers talk to our children or to others around them? They have learned to talk mean from the caregivers, whom are talking mean. This is how they learned to handle their anger. If the TV is a primary caregiver, what are they watching?
Does our child ignore us? Do we listen to our child? Do they have a voice and an opportunity to explain their perspective of the situation? We will often find that from their perspective, they meant well. This is showing our child respect. This is how we teach them to listen. We have to listen, too.
Look at the issue and ask ourselves, are we doing this same thing to them?
As parents and caregivers, our goal needs to be focused on healing our issues so as to not impose them onto our child, whom is already perfect.